let her sleep, for when she wakes she will move mountains

one samantha was born the fifth child and last daughter of maxwell nicholson, a prominent coffee and coconut farmer and renee [ nee fitzgerald ] donaldson, a doctor turned stay at home mother on september 21st, 1983 in baton rouge, louisiana. when she was three a younger brother was born followed closely by another brother twenty months later.

two from an early age it was clear the brunette child with eyes the color of the sky took after her mother in every aspect of life. the child knew no stranger and would say hello to anyone and everyone during trips into town from the family plantation on the outskirts of baton rouge. by the time she was three she was reading at an accelerated level and in various dance classes to attempt to drain the copious amounts of energy the little girl had.

three when samantha was eight she was accepted into one of louisiana's top private academies and set on a path to follow directly in her mother's foot steps as a doctor. for a long time samantha thought she wanted to be a doctor but the older she became the less she knew her heart was in being a doctor.

four when samantha was sixteen she attempted to voice her desire to be a pediatric nurse over a doctor but neither her mother or father would hear anything she had to say. each argument ended with the same statement from her father. " no daughter of this family will stoop to being a lowly nurse or they won't be a part of this family any longer. "

five resigned to follow each step her mother had taken in her life samantha finished high school and applied at every college from california to new york. the further away the university the more she wanted to attend. her escape came in the form of an acceptance letter from yew york university's medical program. while it wasn't what she wanted to be she quickly set into motion her move from louisiana socialite to new york medical student.

six her sister rosalie would follow some six months later under the guise that she was just moving to new york to go to school herself but samantha wasn't dumb -- she knew rosalie had been told to move north to keep an eye on her baby sister. when samantha was twenty three it would be rosalie who took the stressed, underfed medical student out for a night which would change samantha's life forever.

seven while rosalie had promised a double date with her current flavor of the month and his friend for samantha while watching a heavily advertised fight that is not what transpired that night. yes, the night started out with drinks at a local dive before the fight but when the fighter came out to make his way to the ring samantha couldn't help the jolt of instant attraction she had for the fighter.

eight she'd had boyfriends before through the years but the fighter, jamie kuykendall, was nothing like any of the ones before him. when their eyes met he'd made a bee line for her and pulled her into a kiss to the dismay of her "date" that left her light headed, weak kneed and aching for him. once the fight was over she was slung over his shoulder and carried to the dressing room. he invited her to an afterparty which both she and hre sister attended. For five years after that the two were never apart for more than a night, if that.

nine their relationship wasn't without it's fair share of arguments. they were so much alike that often times neither knew when to stop the arguments until they were crashing together intimately. too hard headed to give in Samantha would push jamie as far as she could and he would do the same. this wasn't to say the relationship was fraught with domestic violence because it was quite the opposite. jamie never laid a finger upon same in a harsh or abusive manner. to say they loved each other to the deepest depths of their souls would have put this mildly.

ten through all the intensity it had been jamie to help samantha come to the realization she didn't need to attend medical school to become a doctor if she wasn't happy. he'd been the one to stand beside her when she'd told her parents her decision and when her parents immediately disowned her. he'd been the shoulder she leaned on when times were tough and she was exhausted from back to back shifts at the hospital in the pediatric wing. he'd been the one she curled up with when the sorrow of the day took it's toll upon her. he'd been the security and comfort she carried with her without hestation that if she needed him he would be there no matter what.

eleven samantha will never forget the day she received the call about her mother and father divorcing. it changed her outlook on the sanctity of marriage. if her parents couldn't make it then who could? she held onto that belief until she was telling a crest fallen jamie that no, she would not marry him as he sat upon bended knee in front of her. instantly she'd regretted it. she'd witnessed the bloom of a broken heart in his eyes and across his handsome face. she'd tried to explain why she'd said no but it didn't matter, the damage had been done. before she awoke the next morning he'd been gone having packed a bag in the middle of the night and left.

twelve no matter the amount of calling she'd done she was given the cold shoulder by everyone who knew jamie. friends, boss, co-workers wouldn't give her the time of day when she asked about him. she turned inward in those five months he wasn't around. she stopped eating, took double and sometimes triple shifts at work to forget the loneliness that awaited her in their brownstone. her pyshical health deteriorated and she'd turned to alcohol to cope with no eating or sleeping. dropping fifteen pounds found her still shaped as she'd always been but much more frail looking than ever before. the final step in trying to not hate herself so much was when she bleached elbow length brunette hair to white blonde and stopped dressing to go out. replacing tailored shirts, dressed and heels were shorts, tee shirts and sneakers. everyone watched the destruction but each time they attempted to talk to her she shut them out. they didn't know what they were talking about; she was fine ... or so she told herself.

thirteen it was on a crisp may evening five months later when she and jamie came colliding into one another's world. at a bar they'd frequented when they were together she saw him. looking everyong bit as QC as any of the male models in that magazine. she'd almost ran home; hadn't even realized she'd walked the two miles from the brownstone to the bar until she was staring at it and him bathed in the streetlamp outside.

fourteen the events of that night laid the foundation for the next two years. they came together and did their own things. they fought and fucked like they were together but never came back together fully. she always wanted to tell him how sorry she was, how she regretted every moment of that night. they never really could solidify their status though. eventually she begged him to move home only to be told no and for good reasons, reasons she understood even though she hated it. for reasons which were all her fault they slipped apart again. how could a man stay with a woman who'd told him no when he propsed to her? especially a man who barely let anyone in like jamie? she didn't blame him and in fact she was still in love with him when she took a position with musc children's hospital in charleston, south carolina. she couldn't pull his strings anymore, couldn't keep hurting him with daily reminders that while she was his, had never stopped being his even when they split up, she wasn't actually his wife.

fifteen the march 2016 move south to charleston, south carolina was the only way she could think to let both of them move on with their lives. only time will tell now.

What if I fall? Oh my darling, but what if you fly?